While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
