Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
