I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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