Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
