Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
