the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
