Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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