I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
