I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
