Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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