Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
