call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
