then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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