I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
