I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
