Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
