NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
