i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
