I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
