we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
