they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
