I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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