if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
