We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
