bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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