The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
