I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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