Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
