I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
