he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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