i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
