I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
