Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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