and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
