did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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