please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
