we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
