I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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