from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
