omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
