Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
