I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
