you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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