you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
