he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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