This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She even gives head with a lisp.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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