If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize