We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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