my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
