last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
