i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
