you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
