Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i now understand why vodka
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
