sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
