Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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