the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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