We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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